It's Elementary My Dear Sakura
by Namika Sayuri
Summary: WARNING THIS IS AN OOC CRACKFIC! A bit of humor, romance, and random things thrown into one so do not read if you don't have a sense of humor DISCLAIMER! R


_Itachi p.o.v_

**7:00AM Monday Morning**

**Gaither High School in Staff Parking Lot**

**The backseat of Itachi's neon blue TransAm**

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" The ringing in my ears jolted me out of the most disturbing dream, it had that psychic freak Neji in it. It wasn't my alarm clock making that noise, clearly I'm not in my room either, looks like the ceiling of my car. Wait, wasn't I supposed to drive Sasuke to school? Whatever, no reason to be concerned with that now, where's that ringing coming from?

I think it's my cell phone, damn, where the hell did I put it! "Nnnn," Okay, it's under my pillow; wait, why do I have a pillow in the backseat of this stupid vehicle? I hope my hair's not too fucked up; goddamn is that my head pounding? Was I drinking too much last night again, no that's not right, I know where I was last night. Well, at least where I was supposed to be.

"ITACHI!! MOVE YOUR DAMN CAR OUT OF MY PARKING SPOT BEFORE I BREAK IN AND MOVE IT MYSELF!!!" What the hell? Drunken hag.

"Old hag? What the hell are you doing in the senior parking lot?" I heard myself say while I'm trying to untangle myself from my blanket, fortunately my car keys are in my pocket, I can feel them digging into my thigh as I crawl into the front seat. Literally.

"Senior parking lot? What have you been smoking? This is the staff parking lor, idiot," Tsunade sounded more pissy than usual, but I'm not completely shocked. The old hag always short circuits if she's either too drunk or completely sober. Sticking the keys in the ignition, I feel a little better when I hear the engine roar to life, like an ancient creature resurrected for the soul purpose of eating the old hag. Ha, I wish. Double-checking my mirrors, the way is clear for me to back out and leave the staff parking lot; rolling down the window, I stuck my tongue out at Tsunade and crossed my eyes after I backed out of her spot.

"OLD HAG!!" I laughed before speeding off. I hate Mondays, I really do. Maybe Haku knows what happened to me last night. Parking in MY spot, I reached into the back seat and felt around, searching for my trench coat and my messenger bag.

"Alright, maybe I'll at least have a good time picking on SasuGAY," muttering to myself as I got out of the car, attaching my keys to one of the metal rings on my TRIPP pants, wait, they're lime green? It hurts my eyes to look directly at them as I'm putting on my coat, hey wait, I tore the sleeves off. Did I throw a fit or something? Hm, maybe.

Well at least I'm wearing long sleeves, I hate showing my bare arms. Green and black stripes, sorta tacky.

In passing the principal's office, I see that pyromaniac, what was his name again? Whatever, it isn't that important, I actually want to see who my first victim is. Usually it's my favorite little closet-gay, but he's probably going to be late. I don'teven want to bother that pyro kid, there's a rumor going around that he's on probation for building seven of these weird bombs, and selling them on ebay or something. I highly doubt it was ebay, but thankfully he's too busy trying to pick the lock on Tsunade's office door.

I need to start paying attention, some weirdo with pink hair just ran into me. She's just babbling, something about "apologies" and "too early for this" And although I could agree with that, she was still annoying me right now.

"Shut up," I mumbled, sticking a note on her back as I brushed past her. I need to ask Haku about the weekend.

_Sakura p.o.v_

First I almost miss the bus, and then I run into my neighbor again. He still doesn't believe I'm in 10th grade, who cares what he thinks anyway! Dumbass! And now I almost ran over his older brother, and to make things even worse, I can't even stop apologizing long enough to ask him his name.

I notice the weirdest thing at the principal's office, some guy trying to break into the office.

"I take it she isn't here yet?" I asked, feeling the color drain from my face as my voice came out squeaky and high-pitched. I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, not exactly butterflies, but if I had to describe it in words, maybe. He was just smiling at me like I'd said the cutest thing in the world." My name is Sakura, I just transferred in," he still didn't say anything, which was just a little scary, or maybe it's just me.

"Deidara, now can you help me get in before the old hag gets here, Sakura?" I was a little surprised, old hag? I don't know why he wanted in so badly, but I didn't want to get on his bad side, so I took a spare bobby pin out of my jeans' pocket and handed it over. Deidara's smile got wider, reminding of the Cheshire cat, watching him pick at the lock furiously. I could see he wasn't going to get it quick enough.

"Here, let me try," I took the pin from him, pressing my ear against the door as I listened for the familiar sound of the lock clicking. It was another 30 seconds before I actually got it open, errs, unlocked. Before I knew what was going on, Deidara had dragged me into the office with him, disappearing behind the desk. "HA! It's her stash! Just what I was looking for her!" I heard him say in a triumphant voice, but I distracted with keeping an eye out for Tsunade to wonder what he was talking about. My heart was beating a mile a minute, whatever that means. Actually, I know what it means, I just want to get out the office, but I don't want to bail out on my new friend, I guess you could call him.

"Alright Sakura, is the coast clear?" I glanced back over my shoulder to see him zipping up his backpack. I hesitated, taking a few steps toward the door, cracking it open just enough to stick my head out. One thing I noticed was that hardly anyone hung out around Tsunade's office, but the people that did were early birds. Thankfully no one's out there right now.

"We're good to go," I said, holding the door open for him, watching him rush past me, his bag slung over one shoulder as he disappeared around a corner. I heard yelling as I locked the office door again.

Deidara p.o.v

I feel a little bad for ditching that girl, but I could hear the old hag coming, and I think I'd rather stay out of trouble. Upon turning another corner, I almost ran straight into Itachi. He had his back to me, discussing something with Haku again, by the looks of it. Although they're good friends, they fight like cats and dogs sometimes.

"So what's the topic of interest today, _ladies?" Apparently neither of them noticed my approach, Haku yelped, and Itachi jumped almost a foot into the air. He had this look on his face like he wanted to hit me, it made me want to laugh, only because I know he wouldn't without it ME without a good reason._

_WHACK!! Ow, did Haku just smack me, or do I have whiplash from earlier this morning? Nope, he did. "What the hell was that for?" I snapped, glancingat Itachi, whom I noticed was trying to contain his laughter when he caught my look. Haku didn't look mad, but I can't really tell. I don't know Haku all that well, but I'm not sure he's really a 'he' at all._

"_You don't sneak up on people like that, if it had been anyone else you'd have probably been stabbed," Itachi spoke for him, but the idea of me getting stabbed seemed amusing to him. I wonder how funny it would be if I set his pretty, precious, long hair on fire. The look on his face would be priceless. _

"_It isn't my fault you guys are self-absorbed, now what were you talking about anyway?" I had to ask, I'm actually kind of curious. It's probably something stupid, like Haku's hot topic skirt, or maybe makeup. Even though Itachi's always teasing his brother about being gay, I think he's just drawing attention away from himself._

"_We're trying to figure out how Itachi ended up in Tsunade's parking spot, apparently he fell asleep in his car again,"It was Haku's turn to laugh, although I didn't really see the humor in it. "What? Was he drinking or something?" I asked, finding that that'd be the simplest explanation. Itachi doesn't strike me as the drinking type, but appearances can be deceiving in some things. Ha, bullshit; sometimes the way a person dresses and/or carries themselves can tell you a lot about them._

"_No, who drinks on Sundays? That's just stupid," Itachi sounded annoyed, but I'm not really paying much attention to him. I'm thinking about that pink-haired girl, what was her name? Sakura? She probably got blamed, og well, better her than me._

"_Well, there is Tsunade, but she doesn't count," Haku was talking this time. Maybe Itachi has short-term memory loss, or ADD even, although I doubt he has ADD, it doesn't make a lot of sense. _

"_Short-term memory loss," was all I said, they both looked at me like funny, like I'm an alien or something. So what, Haku looks like a drag queen, and I'm not even going to get started on Itachi._

_Sakura p.o.v_

Awkward, nervous, and stress-inducing are the best words to describe how I felt walking into my first class.10th grade english. The teacher sitting behind the desk looked like a whacked-out version of an angsty, trashy poet. "You must be Sakura," I didn't realize it was the teacher talking to me, but as it turns out, I'm ten minutes late. I really need a watch.

"I'm Zabuza, your english teacher, now take your seat before I give you a detention," What? Detention, I was only ten minutes late! What a crackpot. Sitting down in a vacant desk, staring at the door as someone else walked in, even later than me. Is he wearing eyeliner?

"You're late again, we go through this everyday, what the hell is your excuse this time?" Zabuza sounded pissed. The other guy reminds me of a Panda, well, his eyes anyway. Panda-boy sits next to me, I think he's still half asleep, he hasn't even acknowledged the teacher yet.

"Do I have to get my sword out of the closet, Gaara? Show some respect and answer me when I'm talking to you!" Zabuza snapped, rising from his seat. So that's his name, Gaara. "Sword? Has everyone here lost their mind?" I mumble to myself. It doesn't matter if anyone can hear me, they might agree. Gaara stood as the teacher did, folding his arms across his chest.

"You can take that sword and shove it," I'm starting to think my mom is playing a horrible prank by sending me here. Panda-boy is creepy, but his words make me smile. Mostly because I doubt the teacher even has a sword. I'm watching Zabuza open the closet door. He turns to look at us suddenly, giving us a death glare.


End file.
